the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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