Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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