Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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