Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
