Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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