Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
