Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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