Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
