That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just want nice things and good sex
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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