And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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