Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
