hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
