Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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