I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.