And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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