you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
