Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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