I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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