Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
