Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
