You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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