dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
