Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
