Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
