I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
