thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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