you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
