I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
