Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want to be your penis for a week.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
