Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
