I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
