She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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