I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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