Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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