Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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