Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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