Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
