I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
