C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
