But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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