So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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