you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
