I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
