I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
