if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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