So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
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He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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