CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
