I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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