the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
