My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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