I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
