I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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