have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
