someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
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Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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