C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
