you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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