Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i out mim tonsoeep
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