So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
