well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize