i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
