Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
