she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
